I know not how it is with others, but I find myself very unable, nay, most unable when I have the greatest occasion, to lay hold upon this mighty mercy of God; to rest upon it, and make it my own; and to use it for my consolation and support. I long for this with the full purpose of my heart; and my groans and tears in secret are well known unto God. But I have also an evil heart of unbelief, which suggests a thousand doubts and fears, sometimes of God's willingness to save me particularly, who am so very vile and faithless; and sometimes of my own reality of desire towards him, which is often dreadfully mixed with the desire of other things, and overwhelmed with cares and sorrows, difficulties and temptations. 0 what great troubles and adversities has God shown me! How shall I be delivered from the body of this death? How shall I lay hold on eternal life? How shall I know that I have fast hold; or be assured, that none shall be able to pluck me from it? 0 Lord, to be assured of this your favor, is, both in life and death, of more worth to me than a thousand times ten thousand worlds. For I might have these, and be wretched; but, with you, I can have nothing but life and peace for evermore.
"Afresh, precious, precious Jesus, I resign this body to You, for doing or suffering, for living or dying. Will You accept it? Will You use me for Your glory more than heretofore, that You may have some little return for all the benefits You have done to me? Oh, do grant this request; my heart longs for it, my spirit pleads for it; and "if You will, You can." You know the hot temptation of which I am the subject. Bring Your glory out of it, and keep me from the evil, and it shall be well." - Ruth Bryan